China II: Ningbo!: Epiphany?

I think I had an epiphany today. But first. Things are good. I have the job under control. The kids like me, I like them. Boss lady said I'm doing good. I've been practicing Japanese and I'm learning bits each day. I spend my weekends sight seeing, meeting Japanese people from a conversation exchange website, and reading books. The website has been a weird experience. I feel like I'm internet dating or something. I get about 4 messages a day from people in the Tokyo area who want to learn or practice English. I only respond to people between the ages of 24 and 32. That's the first criteria I have. Next, I look at their profile summary to see how horrible their English is. Basically I don't want to meet people who just want free lessons. I don't mind helping them out a bit and letting them practice, but I'm not going to teach them for free. I'm just not. I'm looking for friends and for people who can get me started with my Japanese. So after I assess their profile, and I feel like ok, I'll try, I send them a message back. In this message I try to figure out how far away they are from me and what the best meeting place would be. I say no if they are more than an hour away. I've met 4 or 5 people? We have food and chat. It's fine, but awkward. A few of them seem like we might be friends. I hope.

This morning, I met a guy at a coffee shop. It was fine. Weird, but fine. Then I came home and thought to myself, "Self, it's a beautiful, sunny, October Saturday. Let's be outside!" So I went for a walk around. Just wandering and taking pictures. Then, out of no where, BAM! EPIPHANY! There I am walking around, and I realized that I don't know what I've been thinking about. Like, I know that I was thinking about something, but I can't put my finger on what it was. Sort of like when you wake up from a dream and you can feel the memory of it fading. But at that point I was very aware of not knowing what I was thinking so then I was thinking about thinking and thinking about my life and thinking about my walk and I realized I was tired and getting bored of Katie Time. Right, so the epiphany was that this long, pointless walk was a metaphor(?) of my life. I've been wandering through it, enjoying it, learning from it, but with no purpose, no goals, no plan and while it's been good and I like, I'm getting fed up with it. On the walk, I reached that point where you're just ready to be home. No more walking. In life, I think I've almost reached the point where I want a plan. I want a passion. I want a goal. I think.

Pictures from Japan.